These Clothes Should Come With Warning Labels

My daughter and I were talking about how dumbed-down warning labels have become. These days, we need to be warned that our coffee is hot and that brake fluid isn’t for drinking. It’s a little silly. It’s not that I have anything against warning labels. I mean, we could all use a little nudge now and then, a friendly reminder to do this and not do that. Here are some warning labels I could use in life:

• Warning: If you stay up too late scrolling on your phone, you will be tired and cranky in the morning.
• Warning: If you don’t wear your sunscreen, the skin on your face will look like the skin on your elbow.
• Warning: If you wait until the morning to get gas, you’ll be late to your hair appointment.

These would be helpful warnings.

That’s why I decided to create a few helpful warnings of my own, all related to style, of course.

I think these are far more useful than the warnings we get every day, and more fun, as well.

(Note: I am not saying you should immediately destroy these items if one of them has found its way into your wardrobe. But I’m also not saying that you shouldn’t.)

Placed Florals

Whether gracing the hem or a dress or a top, or adorning a single shoulder, florals that are placed in specific areas of an item are instantly dated and aging. Either go floral all over or skip it entirely.

Faux Layers

Fake clothes are never stylish, so either layer (for real) or don’t. These would be bad enough without the pretend layering effect, but with it, they are deadly.

The 5-Minute Trend

Buy now, and purge later. These are items that you’ll almost instantly regret buying, and that will make your future self cringe.

The Old Lady Print Top

I wish there was a more elegant way to put this, but these overly sweet tops with high necklines and 3/4 sleeves instantly add 10 years.

Frumpy Floral Dresses

With their frilly details and sweet prints, these dresses are instantly aging.

Waterfall Cardigans

These drapey lengths of fabric add bulk to your belly area and are also out of style.

Fun Tunics

These tops feature too many details and too much volume, creating a look that is dated and unflattering.

Awkward Bottoms

These unflattering bottoms come in bad silhouettes and end at odd places, making them a hard pass.

Oversized Tops

Overly baggy clothes don’t flatter anyone, not even models.

Mature Evening Gown

Bad Blouse

Frumpy, overembellished and dated blouses are often marketed to women over 40. It’s best to skip these!

Bad Pattern

I’ve talked a lot about avoiding bad patterns and prints. These are just not cute.

Clothes That Double As Shelter

Your clothes should only be large enough to cover your body. They shouldn’t be large enough to cover a small town.

Tropical Twosomes

I love a good tropical print, and this isn’t it. Even worse, pulling the orange color from the pattern for the top.

Awkward Lengths

Pants and shorts at unflattering and awkward lengths are a big no no. Go wider with these silhouettes for a more flattering look.

Which of these categories has been a challenge for you? And do you disagree with any of them? Let me know in the comments!