When you were 20, you could wear whatever you wanted. Whatever. You. Wanted. You could wear 23 trends all at the same time, although I don’t necessarily recommend it.
When you were 30, you could wear 12 trends at the same time, and pretty much whatever you wanted, with a couple of exceptions. Belly tops spring to mind. (Not to be confused with the chic ever-so-slightly cropped tops, which a 30-year-old could still wear, abs permitting).
But now that you’re 35 – 65, you’re in treacherous waters. You are far from 20 but you still want to look and feel stylish. You feel like half the clothes make you look like you’re trying too hard, and the other half make you look like you’ve given up.
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And if things weren’t already challenging enough, fashion is fond of rediscovering styles that used to be reserved for your mother’s mother, and turning them into trends. Tiny prints. Mint green. Round collars. Wear one of these, and you can pull it off. But a mint green blouse with a tiny print and a round collar buttoned up to there? Treacherous. At 20, you’re so young that you can wear what appear to be your mother’s clothes in an offhanded, ironic way. At 40, you are the mother, or at least could pass for one, and it’s no longer ironic.
As my mother likes to say: “There’s 40, and there’s 40.” That number can mean so many different things depending on the woman. To further complicate things, there is the age you are and the age you look. And by this, I mean how you look objectively, to other people, not how you think you look. If you look 30, dress for 30. If you can pull a look off (and for this sometimes you need to enlist the advice of a trusted friend, or a stylist), then, by all means, pull it off. And do it now, because someday, you may wake up and find that it’s no longer working for you.
And while it’s great to dress for your actual age or for your apparent age, whatever you do, don’t dress for a past or future age. Don’t dress for 20 or 60. Unless, of course, you’re 20 or 60.
But what exactly does dressing at 20 or 40 or 60 look like? What is, and I shudder at the term, age appropriate? There is no short answer, but there are some guidelines. Here, style for the ages, demystified. In other words, how not to dress old.
1. Look to the Label
The brand, the retailer, and the way an item is styled all offer clues. A flouncy dress with undone hair and motorcycle boots is being marketed at a 20-year-old, while a tailored dress with classic pumps is clearly aiming for an older customer.
2. Look at the Color
Classic neutrals like black, navy, white and camel are ageless, but other colors are trickier. If you love the new pale, pastel colors, choose pieces in sharp, sophisticated styles and make sure the color doesn’t wash you out. And beyond your 40s— use color to add freshness to your complexion, but avoid extremes, like neons, or pale colors in very classic shapes, which can look matronly. Colors like mint and butter yellow look best in sleek, modern shapes or they’re instantly aging.
3. Look at the Details
Often, the differences between a dress designed for a 20-year-old and one designed for a 40-year-old is subtle, so the best way to show these finer points is by illustrating them. Here, I take a single trend, the lace dress, and show you which styles work for which age group, and why.
Lace Dresses for Your 20s
From left: Free People “Petit Trianon” lace dress, $180, Macys.com; Lovers Friends “Holly” lace dress, $50, DailyLook.com, For Love & Lemons “Lolo” lace dress, $251, Zappos.com
These lace dresses are all super short and super trendy, with everything from high low hemlines (at left and middle) to babydoll styling to bell sleeves. They’re fun and flirty—but not sophisticated.
Lace Dresses for your 30s and 40s
Free People “Luna” lace dress, $168, FreePeople.com; Oscar de la Renta long sleeve lace dress with slip, $2690, Neiman Marcus; J.O.A. “Lady Lace” dress, $118, ShopBop.com; Elizabeth and James “Levine” fitted sheer lace dress, $465, Neiman Marcus; Rebecca Taylor v-neck “tile lace dress, $495, ShopBop.com
The trick at this age is to pick dresses that are fresh, contemporary and trend-conscious without looking like a teenager. The lace dresses shown here all fit the bill. They offer a little more coverage and are sleek and sophisticated without being even remotely “old”. The sheer parts are nicely balanced by covered parts, and the lace itself looks modern and cool.
Lace Dresses for Your 50s
JS Collection Soutache lace midi dress, $348, Bardot Gemma halter lace sheath dress, $119, and Tadashi Shoji lace & brocade sheath, $408, all available at Nordstrom
The 50s can vary dramatically, so the key is to dress for your body, your comfort level and your style. You want to look contemporary and fresh but not like you’re trying too hard. If you are fit and fabulous in your 50s, there’s no reason to stop wearing the dresses in the 30s/40s roundup, but once they start feeling “off” to you, move on to even more sophisticated styles.
Lace Dresses for Your 60s And Beyond
Antonio Melani “Edith” floral lace dress, $159, Dillard’s; Diane von Furstenberg “Zarita” lace dress, $363.60, Farfetch.com; Lauren Ralph Lauren 3.4 sleeve boatneck lace dress, $132, Macys.com
These dresses are cute at 20 and classic at 60, but at 40, they are lethal. An elegant sheath in a classic lace with sheer sleeves that extend to the elbow or beyond is a stylish choice for a 60-year-old, and a conservative choice for a 20-year-old, but avoid them at 40. They will age you. They are all one major detail away from being a good fit for a woman in her 30s-40s. A bold color, a more contemporary lace, or a trendy sleeve detail could redeem them, but as they stand, they’re not for your 30s or 40s.
Lace Dresses to Avoid
Michael Kors Chantilly lace belted dress, $1997, Neiman Marcus; Rickie Freeman for Teri Jon 3/4 sleeve lace shirtdress, $600, Neiman Marcus; Alex Marie “Bijoux” lace dress, $139, Dillard’s; Chetta B. belted embroidered lace fit and flare dress, $128, Nordstrom
I’m kind of at a loss for words here, which as you know, is pretty rare. The first two dresses in this set are beautifully made and gorgeous, with amazing quality and attention to detail. But in order to pull off dresses this severe, with their long hemlines and high necklines and very classic, almost prim, details, you have to be tall, slim, and a big fan of very high heels. In other words, you need to look like a model. The third is just bad, bad, bad. Why do so many brands that cater to mature women insist on making them look babyish, with washed out pastels and oversized bows? This color, hem length, neckline, type of lace and bow detail all add up to awful. The fourth dress gets all the details wrong, from the length to the lace. The only person this dress would suit is a toddler, or possibly a cute 20-year-old, but they both have far better options.
Trendy Denim for Your 20s
Bleach Destroy Rip Mom Jeans, $80, Topshop; High-Rise Exposed Button Skinny Jeans, $29.90, Forever 21; The 80s High Waist in Snow Black, $49.90, Zara
At 20, trends beckon, and you should heed their call. After all, if you’re the trendy type, this is the time to try them all on. Ironically, the 20s is the only time that “mom” jeans are an option, in my opinion, so if you like them, go for it. You can also try raw and stepped hems, distressed and destroyed denim, crazy washes, widths ranging from super-skinny to dramatically oversized, and vintage styles that recall the denim of the 80s and 90s. Your only limit? Budget, body type and personal preference.
Trendy Denim for your 30s
Paige Sutton Wide Leg Jeans, $239, Anthropologie; Barber Suchandra Recycled Denim Jeans, $228, Free People; Emma Low Rise Skinny Hightower, $199, DL1961
Now that you’re hitting your style stride, you’ll want to zero in on the trends and silhouettes that suit you best. You can still be trendy, if you like, but you’ll want to balance it with a little bit of sophistication. In many cases, this simply means choosing a top that is a bit more polished, then pairing it with the trendy denim of your choice: distressed, ripped, patched, embellished, flared and stretchy are all great options for you. Of course, budget and body type play a role, as always, but so does practicality. This is a busy season of life, so you want jeans you can live in!
Trendy Denim for your 40s
MOTHER The Looker High-Rise Striped Skinny Jeans, $248, Anthropologie; Relaxed Heritage Flare Jeans $78.00, Free People, The High Waist Step Hem Slim Boy Jeans, $135, Madewell
Turning 40 doesn’t mean turning to mom jeans. (As a rule, mom jeans and moms do not go together). Instead, your 40s are about refining your personal style and honing in on what really works for you and the pieces that are going to become the backbone of your wardrobe. These all fit the bill. They’re trendy, with enough flair to make them an instant update, but still classic enough to work through your 40s. The question of whether or not to wear ripped and distressed denim after 40 is largely a personal one. My take? If it suits your esthetic and you feel comfortable in them, then go for it. The examples shown here work for this decade, in my opinion, but if they’re out of your comfort zone, then skip them and stick to other trendy details: a raw or stepped hem, for example, or a side stripe.
Trendy Denim for your 50s
The Kick Crop Jean, $78, Everlane; The Legging Ripped Ankle Skinny Jeans, $225, AG at Nordstrom; 7 For All Mankind Fringed Mid-Rise Skinny Ankle Jeans, $269, Anthropologie
A 50s trendsetter requires more quality, polish, and comfort, and these styles deliver. Current details, like a kick crop hem and a side stripe, keep the look contemporary without being juvenile. And, if you’re a 50-something with a younger sensibility (or look) you can even embrace a ripped knee, if you want. It’s all about balance, which is why I chose a style that is otherwise sleek and simple. One trendy touch at a time is plenty. The other trick, of course, is to pair trendy trousers with classic tops, from silk blouses to simple tees and sweaters. Save the trendy tops for the simpler bottoms.
Trendy Denim for your 60s and Beyond
NYDJ Wide Leg Clean Hem Jeans, $119, Nordstrom; DL1961 Mara Instasculpt Mid-Rise Straight Jeans, $209, Anthropologie; Girlfriend Jeans in Cosmo Wash, $95, Talbot’s
The Label, the Color, and the Details all offer clues, but I want to hear your thoughts. What do you think of these guidelines for lace dresses in your 20s, 30s-40s, and beyond? Do they resonate with you, or are you secretly eying a dress from another age-group category. Let me know what you think!
Need more ideas on how not to dress old? That’s awesome, because I’m full of them! Check out the following posts for more on how to dress “age appropriate” (shudder). As for acting your age, you’re on your own…
How Not to Dress Old Part 2: Old Clothes vs Young Clothes
What to Wear in Your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and Beyond
Makeup Rules at 20, 30, 40 and Beyond
Discover how to update your wardrobe and have fun with fashion again!
Nada Manley says
Not everyone needs guidelines, but some women welcome them. What you do with these suggestions is up to you. 🙂
KassinGs says
Hey lovelies. Let’s stop telling each other how to dress. Wear whatever you want at whatever age. Boom. It’s that easy. Now you can focus your minds on other more important things. You be you ???
Nada Manley says
As I’m rapidly approaching 50, and many of my clients are well over 50, I don’t consider myself ageist, but you are entitled to your opinion of course. 🙂
Nada Manley says
I think a little bit of distressing is fine, but too much can be too much. LOL Also, how do you look/feel? I think that plays a large part.
Rose says
How about ripped/distressed jeans for women in their early 60s?
Stephanie Kitchen says
Very ageist article. Lets embrace individuality as a woman at any age! Keep clothes fun , happy and expressive !
Nada Manley says
Hi Kristina! Thanks for the question! I am also petite, and I agree that a midi skirt can be hard to wear, but I do find maxi skirts sized for our height to be very flattering. In my opinion, as a petite woman, you go quite short or quite long. Any of the middle area can be tricky if you don’t love your legs. The other suggestion is trousers, which are really having a moment now in fashion and are so chic! Finally I would say celebrate your proportional style and draw the eye upward with color and great accessories, and keep the lower half of your outfit darker or more neutral for maximum flattery. I might even do a post about this because it’s such a great question so stay tuned. Thanks again!
Kristina says
Thank you for all the ideas and rncouragement you offer for more mature ladies! So orten we fifty-plus ladies become invisible even though many of us enjoy our lives to the full with the kids finally, well, somewhere, our careers comfortable but bodies changing! All good advice welcome; but what if one is petite and shirt but with short muscular legs one wants to hide since the midi skirt length is unbecoming? I am 160 cm and weigh 56 kg. So not thin, but luckily in proportion what with the damned legs!
Nada Manley says
I agree Lisa! These are guidelines, not rules. 🙂
Lisa says
Of course there are those who look for this advice. But if your reading this for any other reason; don’t let people tell you what you can and can not wear. (Exceptions are in a professional environment). Be brave, honest, kind and don’t impose your judgements on others. If you feel good, trust your gut.
Nada Manley says
Thank you so much Sarah! This totally made my day. I appreciate it! I hope you had a great holiday season and I hope you enjoy the rest of the content on the blog.
Nada Manley says
Thanks so much for the comment Sarah! The simplest solution to look unforgettable, in my opinion, and pretty as well, is through color. Choosing a few colors that really flatter your skin and hair color can give your entire look a lift and make you stand out in the right way. As you are legally blind, this becomes more important and can be a safety thing for you as well. I am happy to help you choose colors that will make you look pretty and unforgettable. Just send me an email! 🙂
Nada Manley says
Great question! Thank you! Have you checked out the style guide and lookbook that are in the downloads for women in their 50s. There are lots of ideas and inspiration there that I created especially for this stage of life. My other suggestion would be to focus on your body type and not on your size. It is much more important when it comes to how your clothes look and how they flatter you. I recommend checking out my discovery level to learn your body type, or watch my body type series to try to determine it for yourself. Choosing the right silhouettes in your clothes can make a huge difference in how they look and feel. Don’t focus too much on your size. With some idea inspiration from the lookbook and the catalog (both available in the downloads section) and an understanding of your body type, you can look gorgeous at any size!
Sarah Henninger says
Dear Nada,
I never comment on things I find on websites, but with your page I found exactly the help I was looking for. So I was compelled to let you know how much I appreciate it.
Sarah
sarah a hayward says
I am 70 and like to look unforgettable but, shabby sleek . In other words I am legally blind and walk with a white cane so when I walk in or by I want your attention . not over or under dressed but looking good not flurty (smile) I just like pretty clothes , you get the idea.
Idalia almanza says
I’m 58 years old lady, and my 20’s 30’s and 40’s I was size medium and small; and #6 and #7, clothes, now getting older 50’s. And late 50’s I’m size 10 and 12, … I don’t know how to dress anymore , I need help , I need advice ? thks.
Nada Manley says
Thanks for the feedback Jean. FIrst of all, I am jealous that you are 65 and look 15 years younger. I do think that there are women who can wear this length, and I think it is flattering if you are comfortable with your legs, but certainly, some women will feel more comfortable in a longer length.
Jean says
IMHO, those dresses for 60s and Beyond are far too short. I am tall and slender and fit and told I look 15 years younger than my 65 years, and I *could* wear one of those dresses, but they are truly too short for a woman my age.
Nada Manley says
Really Alicia? I love that dress for a young 50-year-old. I do think there are many at this age (and a little older) who can pull this off because of their style and appearance. But everyone has their own comfort level, and this dress is a little bold, for sure. 🙂
Alicia says
The blue lace dress for the 50-year-old women.
No, just no.
Nada Manley says
Thanks for the comment. Body type is critical. I totally agree!
Jen says
Age is only a number, that’s all it is. Many girls in their 40s and 50s look like they’re 30-something, while there are many 20-year-olds look dumpy and shouldn’t wear dresses for younger people. I say go with what looks best on your body type!
Nada Manley says
I love this Jeanie, and I do agree. I recently had a friend tell me that she stopped looking in the mirror because she would just rather remember what she looked like years ago than to see herself now, and I thought that was so sad. I think looking your age and looking beautiful is totally what we are all after. It’s only when we try to look too young, or inadvertently too old, that we look or feel awkward. I mentioned Cindy Joseph in another comment. She is a gorgeous 60-year-old model who is starting a pro-age (as opposed to anti-age) movement that I love. Thanks for the feedback. It means a lot to me!
Jeanie williamson says
Correction: ” we’ll never get rid of ageism if we continue to label people with ages”
Jeanie williamson says
For the most part I liked the article and your advice in comments but we’ll get rid of ageism if numbers/ ages continue to put people in categories. More time and energy needs to go into teaching women about styles and looks that are flattering to their shapes, styles and looks. Shouldn’t looking old and good be OK?
Nada Manley says
Thanks so much Barbara! I wish I had your height. :)) Good question about the models! The pictures of models don’t come from me, unfortunately. They come from online retailers, and all of the models they feature are young and thin, for the most part. So even though the clothes would be beautiful modeled by a woman in her 60s, they are shown on much younger women. It has been a source of frustration for me for a long time. One of these days I will do my own photo shoot for this story and not feature only the images from stores, and I will use models of all ages and sizes. I do think the industry is changing a little, with models like Cindy Joseph changing things mature women, but it is happening slowly. I hope you found the article helpful, and that you check out my color posts for suggestions on that too. I’m here if you have any questions!
Barbara says
I like your guidelines as I, too, have always struggles with what is too young or the wrong color for my age….which is 62. I am a tall size 10-12. My only question is , why do you use such younger looking, very thin models for your 60’s suggestions..
Nada Manley says
I love this comment! I wish I had sons like that! 🙂 I do think many women have that intuition, but part of developing that is really paying attention to the world around us, style-wise, and not everyone has been paying attention, or even wants to, so in those cases, guidelines help. But if you have the confidence, the intuition, and amazing sons who tell you the truth, then you have all you need!
NEWJOY13 says
I am in my late 40s, I have three sons, ages 22 1/2, 20 and 15 1/2…and I am a high school secretary. Anytime age comes up in discussions with people that do not already know it, they think I am in my late 30s or 40 and they believe my husband is at least 6-8 years older than I am (he is the same exact age). These people always argue with me about how old I am when I tell them (as if I don’t know when I was born) or look to my husband for a punch line! So, I wear what I want and what I like PERIOD! I generally “know” what to wear and what not to wear based on the trends of fashion when shopping at the Mall, my favorite department stores and simply by paying attention to my surroundings (people watching). However, if I do go out on a limb and buy something and then have second thoughts once I am home and put it on, I ask the opinion of one of my sons and my husband (he generally says I look great in everything, so I cannot always trust him, but he “knows” when something isn’t quite right and will tell me). My sons will tell me in a heartbeat if I am too old or too young for whatever I have on, or whatever “look” I may be trying to pull off. They respect and love me too much to let me walk around looking like a complete idiot (we have had this discussion before). I am very appreciative of their opinions and I do not get offended! Generally, if I “feel” like it may be questionable, then I do not wear it! This is called your “femail intuition” or “gut feeling” and you should ALWAYS trust that feeling!
Nada Manley says
Ugh you’re right! And it’s right around the corner for me, too. Some of my dearest friends have just entered their 50s. Thanks for drawing my attention to that. I will add the 50s. After all, I am going to need that myself in a couple of years. LOL Thanks for the comment!
Trish B says
Thanks for the article! I will echo what others in their 50’s indicated. You should not leave out a decade without making people in that age group feel insulted. You grouped 30’s and 40’s together and indicated 60 and beyond. Since I am 53 should I then dress like an 80-year old? You are giving away your age by not empathizing with those who are older than you. Be careful, because you are not getting any younger : )
Nada Manley says
Thank you so much Christal! I am so glad you found it helpful! I agree it’s tricky, and there are no hard and fast rules. Just guidelines…
Christal says
This is such a good article. I think a lot of women around my age struggle with what to wear. We are definitely in the in-between age. I don’t want to look like my teenage daughter but I don’t want to look like I’m her grandmother either. This was so helpful. Thanks!!
Nada Manley says
I absolutely agree with you! These are guidelines, and guidelines only, but confidence, personal style, lifestyle and flattery all play a huge role as well. If it works for you, and you love your style, go for it. You are an inspiration. :))
Nada Manley says
Lol yes Kaye! Love that!
granni says
I will be 68 soon and just planned and celebrated my beautiful daughters 50 birthday gathering… I am short and small but I feel I look my best in clothes that others would not deem age appropriate… I like skinny jeans and leggings and high boots and tunic tops, big sweaters and shorts… My hair is natural with tons of silver streaks and I wear it long with natural curl never been big on much makeup some eyeliner and mascara a touch of color in my cheeks… I do get a lot of lovely comments about my appearance but I really believe you should dress to represent the person you are… Age is just a number not a statement of fact.. Sure my heels are lower than they once were and I wear items that attract little or no attention to my mid section life and children are a little harder on that area. So yes I dress some what age appropriate but I would have made those changes in my 30’s if my body looked like it does now.. Just trust your judgement and pay attention to what the mirror is saying and you will love every minute of ageing,, Can’t wait to see my wardrobe at 80 LOL
Kaye Ballentine says
Just because you can doesn’t mean you should……… a quote from my sister in law!
Nada Manley says
I so agree Pam and love hearing that! So much of what we “can” wear is based more on our personal style, confidence and the energy we exude. I’d love to see pictures of your outfits! I bet many women would find them helpful! I am so glad you enjoyed the post!
Pam says
I will be 62 on my birthday, but I feel more like 40 or some days 20, ok maybe 30. I have always dressed younger and I have always been complimented on my look and style. I can’t stand when women my age wear stretch pants and button up printed tops usually with flowers. ? They may be 60, but look 80. I enjoyed your article, it was interesting and very informative.
Nada Manley says
Sorry about that Judy! I will sign you up for it!! Thank you so much for the message!
judy oler says
This article is wonderful.
I was trying to log in for the ‘free’ offer but a power spike knocked me off line and when I tried to reconnect to the site but it insists I need to enter a password. I have tried requesting a password so I can finish the preview but have had no luck. I am unable to un-register and try to re-register but that is not working either. Please advise me what to do.
Nada Manley says
Sorry Karen! You are right! I was grouping the 40s and 50s together, but didn’t specify that. Next time, I’ll make sure to have lots of tips for ladies in their 50s! 🙂
Nora says
I am 60, petite and slim. I need a MOG appropriate dress for a “white” engagement party that is pool side. What would you suggest?
kazz says
It seems, sadly, that 50 year olds have been skipped over here! 30s, 40s, 60s – what happened? We have feelings too ?
Marj says
I’m in my 70’s but enjoy looking good. Thanks for the thoughts. Now I know why full dress skirts aren’t attractive. My need is the shoe with the dress. I’m no longer the high 4″heel gal but between platforms,wedges , small heels and flats with a short heel lift or 3″ heel, what goes best with dresses at my age? I love heels but age can be an orthopedic doctors dream. :). Suggestions for jeggings, skinny pants, skirts, dresses…casual.? I do know heels with nices dresses. Thx
Jan says
I am 50- with a 7 year old! and yes that was planned.
I dress for my shape, but for a dressy occasion, I LOVE my platform shoes!,
If I could attach a photo I so would.
Anji Jones says
Maria, no disrespect but how can you be 50 and look 30? I can understand your desire to look younger and I’m sure you do…but 20 years?
Maria says
I am 50, look like I am 30. Very stylish, in shape and wear what ever the hell I want~ 🙂
Nada Manley says
Good question Janet. These are guidelines only. 🙂 Based on my experience, dressing much younger has the opposite effect and makes us look older and diminishes our beauty. But age is an attitude and not just the result of the number of birthdays you’ve had, so if you feel more comfortable in clothes for younger women, go for it. And maybe ask for the advice of a trusted friend, which is the role I try to fill in this blog. 🙂
janet says
So…..what happens to women in their 50’s? We aren’t going to fit in a category with 30 year Olds and why would we want to be in a category that is older only?
Nada Manley says
Thank you so much Jenny! I’m so glad you got something from this article and that reinforced what you thought. It can be so tricky to find that balance!
Jenny says
I’m 41 and all of your tips resonated with me. It’s funny I couldn’t have put into words why I would choose one of the dresses in my appropriate age range over one in the 20’s or 60’s age range but still would’ve! Good read! Thanks!
Dana says
Nada, the publication of your article is so timely. I have been unsuccessfully dress shopping for a formal event next week, and have had a hard time finding a dress that is in fact age appropriate. Add the fact that I would prefer sleeves, AND that it cannot be a long dress due to not enough time to visit a tailor, and I feel my options are slim. Thank you for confirming my hunch that so many of the lace styles were too old for me. Now, I wouldn’t mind more direction on what is right for me. What about how high a collar may be? Also, what about empire waist? Are my empire waist days over since I am over 35 and not a hippie? 😉 thank you so much for your spectacular advisement!
HeaTher says
Nada, This article is fantastic! This is an area I have needed help in for a while and no one explains it better than you. P.s. I was just eyeing a semi-formal lace sheath dress this week that you highlighted in your 60’s section. Thank you for the save!!!!