They’re ba-a-a-ck. Shudder. If you’ve been reading any fashion press lately, you’ve probably heard something about the return of the Mom Jean. That dorky, much-maligned, butt-expanding 90s relic has returned, and now, they are cool. Big sigh. Don’t get all sulky on me now. I’ve already sulked enough for the both of us. And I have something to say about it.
I understand the backlash against skinny jeans, which led to last year’s obsession with the slouchier, more forgiving boyfriend, and now, it appears that someone in fashionland has gotten confused, and morphed both of these two styles into one supremely unflattering pair of jeans. Intrigued? Then you must be cool. Like my friend April from Knocked up Fabulous, who wore them and made them look cool and urban and slouchy, as opposed to sloppy, which is how they would look on me.
I am not cool.
I am definitely not cool in that effortless urban way. I wear pom pom fringe on occasion. And I am short-waisted, for goodness sake. So, in the same way that I shunned the crop top last year, I will pass on this trend. If you consider it, buyer beware. Here, how to know if you are a candidate for the new (old) mom jean:
3 Signs You Can Wear Mom Jeans
1. You are Long Waisted:
Trust me on this. If you are short waisted, mom jeans swallow you up and make you look about 2 inches tall.
2. You are Young-ish:
Younger than I am, anyway. Young enough to make them look ironic. They need to look like an intentional, deliberate fashion choice – not a relic from a previous decade. You need to look like you know what you are doing.
3. You are Cool:
See why I am not, above. Without the right attitude, you are lost.
If you’ve decided against the mom jean, or are taking a wait-and-see attitude towards the trend, here, 3 alternatives are (almost) as hip, and far easier to style.
3 Substitutes for the Mom Jean
1. The Skinny
Yes, it’s ubiquitous, but for a reason. It can make legs look miles long, and, provided it fits properly and isn’t too tight, is slimming on most body types. Make sure the top you wear hits you at the right spot (not across the widest part of your hips, for example) for maximum flattery. Dark skinnies create a long lean line, especially when worn with heels, and who doesn’t want that?
2. The Boyfriend
Boyfriend jeans are borderline too-cool for me, but their slim cut makes them more flattering and approachable. They must be faded, distressed, and cuffed, or what’s the point of a boyfriend?
3. The Baby Bootcut
A modified boot cut, sometimes called a baby boot, is a great choice if you can’t stomach a skinny. (No pun intended).
I hope this has shed some light on the new mom jean trend. If, like April, you can rock this look, go for it! (And post a picture!). Otherwise, stick to what fits and flatters you!