Politics has always been a passion of mine. As a teenaged mouse of a girl, I spoke in soft, whispery tones, and did my best not to step on anyone’s feelings. But when talk turned to an upcoming election, I found my voice. And it was loud. And divisive. There was no topic on which I didn’t have an opinion, and often, it was a controversial one. In my mind, all of the wisdom acquired during my 15 (very sheltered) years made me unfailingly correct.

Fast forward five years, and I am at Stetson University, majoring in Political Science (surprise!) and French (just because it’s fabulous!), and butting heads with professors and other authority figures over, once again, politics. But, this time, fighting was no longer fun. My heart wasn’t in it. I admitted, deep down, that the last thing I ever wanted to do was to offend anyone, and any political view I aired would alienate someone, somewhere. So I kept my mouth shut. As a card-carrying member of the College Republicans, I briefly dated the president of the Young Democrats. We talked about Greek life and tough courses and how cute we looked together in pictures, but never, ever, about politics. It was romantic poison.

My political aspirations ended with the degree, and I found myself working as a magazine writer and editor, surrounded mostly by people who didn’t share my views. Once again, silence seemed to be the best answer to the political barbs being flung around the office.

Today, I am a mom, with two little girls who notice (and copy!) everything I do. Like me, they love long hot bubble baths, window shopping (okay, any shopping), and red lipstick. They don’t miss a single thing. So I watch everything I say. I never criticize the way I look in front of them. Ever. I don’t use the words fat or skinny. I try not to comment on anyone’s appearance. And I restrain myself around rude or slow drivers, although apparently not well enough, because the other day, behind the slowest car ever, I heard Lola shout, from the backseat, “Come on!!!”

But recently, I found myself in my parents’ kitchen, in an animated conversation about the latest political news, voices raised, arms gesturing wildly. Now, fortunately, my mom and dad and I are on the same page, so our conversation was relatively mild. But what message had we sent about the president, and the election, and the political landscape in general? Had I unwittingly communicated to my 6-year-old daughter, the one who is in such a hurry to be big, that “we” are good and “they” are awful. Had I poisoned her mind at a tender age with the idea that politics is always hostile, bitter, and angry. I don’t know. In retrospect, I don’t remember that much of the conversation, although, mindful of her little ears, I did keep my opinions in check and my voice moderate, which is, admittedly, a challenge. We are a family that is passionate about politics.

That’s why I was so inspired by a timely post from manners mentor Maralee McKee about political civility in these often-troubling times. As the author of the freshly-released Manners that Matter for Moms, McKee wrote a thought-provoking post on Facebook about politics and politeness. She asked for ideas on expressing our views to our children in a way that was respectful to everyone, of every political persuasion. It made me think, and it made me want to be accountable for the way that I discuss and debate politics, in the home and beyond. I want to be mindful and respectful in the way that I choose to share and air my political views. And that’s why I wrote this Political Politeness Pledge. Below, you’ll find a link to the version of this pledge that is suitable for printing, signing, and framing. I know I will be hanging it someplace where I will see it frequently, as a reminder to keep my comments kind and my tone gentle. I hope that you will do the same.

I, ____________________, pledge to uphold the following principles of political politeness:

1. Passion, to a Point: It’s okay to have a heated conversation about politics in front of your children, but watch your words and your tone. Stay away from comments that are derisive and mean-spirited.

2. Elect to Talk: Discuss the election with your child, calmly, and in an age-appropriate way. If they show an interest, let them know who you support, and why. Keep your message positive: “Mommy and daddy are voting for _________ because we think he/she has some great ideas for making our country even better.”

3. Address the Opposition: If your child asks about an opposing candidate, or mentions that a friend’s parents have different views, make sure to present this in a positive light. “We are so blessed to live in a country where we have the privilege to vote, and where everyone can vote for the person they think is best for the job.”

4. Debate Issues, Not People: Remember, little ears overhear everything… “He’s a liar and a cheat” is unacceptable. “I think his fiscal policy is flawed” is much better. Make it clear to your kids that you have chosen one candidate over the other because you believe that he/she has the best ideas and suggestions and is the most qualified person for the position at this time.

5. Keep it Kind: Kindness is the basic, overarching virtue that we want to instill in our kids. Kindness is a countercultural act and an almost revolutionary stand in an increasingly callous world.