Politics has always been a passion of mine. As a 15-year-old mouse of a girl, I spoke in soft, whispery tones, and I did my best not to step on anyone’s feelings. But when talk turned to an upcoming election, I found my voice. And it was loud. And divisive. There was no topic on which I didn’t have an opinion, and often, it was a controversial one. Fortunately for me and for everyone who was subjected to my rants, I was unfailingly correct in all of my observations. I knew absolutely everything. Pretty impressive, when you think about it, for a 15 year old.
Fast forward 5 years, and I am at Stetson University, majoring in Political Science (surprise!) and French (just because it’s fabulous!), and butting heads with professors and other powers that be over, once again, politics. But, this time, fighting is no longer fun. My heart wasn’t in it. I admitted, deep down, that the last thing I ever wanted to do was to offend anyone, and any political view I aired would alienate someone, somewhere. So I kept my mouth shut. As a card-carrying member of the College Republicans, I briefly dated the president of the Young Democrats. We talked about Greek life and tough courses and how cute we looked together in pictures, but never, ever, about politics. It was romantic poison.
My political aspirations ended with the degree, and I found myself working as a magazine writer and editor, surrounded mostly by people who didn’t share my views. Once again, silence seemed to be the best answer to the political barbs being thrown around the office.
Years later, I am a mom, with two little girls who notice everything I do.
“Mommy, why do you always wear makeup?”
“You didn’t close your eyes when you prayed!”
“Drinking tea is sooooo relaxing…!”
Like me, they love long hot bubble baths, catalog shopping (okay, any shopping), and red lipstick. They don’t miss a single thing. So I watch everything I say. I never criticize the way I look in front of them. Ever. I never use the words fat and skinny. I try never to comment on anyone’s appearance. I restrain myself around rude or slow drivers, although apparently not well enough, because the other day, behind the slowest car EVER, I heard Lola shout, from the backseat, “Come on!!!”
So when I found myself in my parents’ kitchen, in animated, heated conversation about the latest political news, voices raised, arms gesturing wildly, I had to stop and think. Now, fortunately, my mom and dad and I are on the same page, so our conversation was relatively mild. But what message had we sent about the president, and the election, and the political landscape in general? Had I unwittingly communicated to my 6-year-old daughter, the one who is in such a hurry to be big, that “we” are good and “they” are awful. Had I poisoned her mind at a tender age with the idea that politics is always divisive, bitter, and angry. I don’t know. In retrospect, I don’t remember that much of the conversation, although, mindful of her little ears, I did keep my opinions in check and my voice moderate. I am not sure my father remembered to do the same – we are a family that is passionate about politics.
So, I was inspired by a timely post from manners mentor Maralee McKee about political civility in these divisive times. As the author of the upcoming Manners that Matter for Moms, McKee wrote a thought-provoking post on Facebook about politics and politeness. She asked for ideas on expressing your views to your children in a way that is respectful to every one, of every political persuasion. It made me think, and it made me want to be accountable for my own political politeness. So I drafted this Political Politeness Pledge (can you tell that I adore alliteration!). I plan to print it out, sign it, and post it somewhere prominent, where I can see it and remember it. And in these last few months leading up to the election, I encourage you to do the same!
Political Politeness Pledge
I, Nada Manley, pledge to uphold the following principles of political politeness:
1. Passion, to a Point: It’s okay to have a heated conversation about politics in front of your kids, but watch your words and your tone. Stay away from comments that are derisive and mean-spirited.
2. Elect to Talk: Discuss the election with your child, calmly, and in an age-appropriate way. Let them know who you support, if they show interest, and why. But again, watch your words: “Mommy and daddy are voting for _________ because we think he has some great ideas for making our country even better.”
3. Address the Opposition: If your child asks about an opposing candidate, or mentions that a friend’s parents have different views, make sure to spin this in a positive light. “We are so blessed to live in a country where we have the privilege to vote, and where everyone can vote for the person they think is best for the job.”
4. Debate Issues, Not People: “He’s a liar and a cheat” is unacceptable. “I think his fiscal policy is flawed” is much better. Make it clear to your kids that you have chosen one candidate over the other simply because you agree with their ideas, not because you believe the other candidate is a creep.
5. Keep it Kind: Kindness is the basic, overarching virtue that I try to instill in my kids. I try to remind them that Jesus sees them even when I don’t, and that he likes to catch them being kind. Kindness is a countercultural act, an almost revolutionary stand in an increasingly callous world. I pledge to always speak kindly and respectfully about politics. At least in front of my children! 😉
Anonymous says
Hi Nada! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this email! I just had a similar conversation with Brad last night. I found myself stunned and disappointed in the media. Since Jake has been born I’ve led a more sheltered life. I don’t listen to much radio (Ipods or commercial free internet radio only), and I rarely see television. We watch Netflix for movies. We also cancelled the local paper several years ago during the last presidential election because we were tired of reading opinions we disagreed with and it seemed like the hospital was getting negative write ups too frequently for our taste. We now receive the WSJ and are much happier!
Anyway, I was telling Brad about how I couldn’t believe how ugly political ads are. First, while shopping in a childrens boutique in Winter Park a couple of weeks ago. It was an anti conservative ad on the radio. I was outraged at the tone and pure bitterness of the ad. It really disturbed my peaceful mood while I was shopping. Then this weekend I was in Jax at my moms house with Jake. Her husband turned on the tv at breakfast and another political ad came on. It was horrible and mean. Not respectful at all! I was again outraged that this is what people are exposed to repeatedly every single day! What is this teaching our kids? What is this teaching anyone on how to compete with someone in something? I felt sad about our world and glad that I’m not exposed to these messages on a daily basis. No wonder people are so confused. They believe everything they see on tv. 🙁
For the record, we are respectful Republicans.
Thanks for sending your email. 🙂